Thursday, September 24, 2009


my little girl was recently baptised (catholic--as promised to my husband). she's such a trooper, crying very little, even when you could see she was frightened. she wore her gown for a total of 10 minutes.

think she got stressed out... and got sick as predicted, thank god she is well now. her cough coincided with a growth spurt--so she has been gaining weight even as she looks (a little) skinnier, and somewhat taller.

she's beginning to show some personality too--showing an open-mouthed, toothless hollywood smile before she "serenades" us each morning with her "song".

okay, i probably am starting to sound like a boring nightmare mom. LOL.

Saturday, September 5, 2009


5 hours of pumping--to produce half an ounce.

i set aside a whole box of breastpumps to return, to keep and to toss out (broken). it brought me back to the time i felt the pressure of wanting desperately to produce enough milk for my baby. i hated that i could not make my body do this.

i hated that i did not prepare for this. i thought the whole time during my pregnancy, that i would not have milk, as i would be fighting biology.

i am chinese. every chinese woman/mother that i asked either did not have milk or did not bother. i figured my race is just superlatively and biologically NONMATERNAL. we hire filipinos to care for our young. we do not produce milk. then we just overcompenste when the child is all grown up by going all joy luck club on them. amen.

hopefully, i would be the exception. there are certain things i still have control over.

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